Christmas's house

《如何稱為合神心意的人》

2011-09-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

最近工作上面遇到一些困難，基本上對我這樣脆弱的人來說，哪怕一些風吹草動都好像可以觸動我那些敏感的神經線，而徹底陷入擔憂狀態。

幸好還有兩日的休息時間讓自己的身心靈可以休息一番。

最近在看一本書叫《如何成為合神心意的人》書中引用了聖經中很著名的人物大衛。

大衛是以色列其中的一個很出名的王。

他是一個牧羊的家族出生，年紀排最小，也是最被人忽視的一個兒子。

他一生差不多都在戰場上面渡過，也有逃難到荒野。

他曾經犯下很嚴重的罪。

也有經歷過很痛心的時刻。

他可算是一個經典的人物。

然而，卻是被稱為最合神心意的人。

我一直很想從這個人的身上看到到底甚麼是神的心意，看看到底我們要怎樣才能夠合神的心意。

今天，是我看到這本書的開始部份。

當中有說到，首先我們要知道甚麼才是神的心意。

在我們瞭解神的心意之前，更要瞭解到底神是怎樣的一位神，

祂是很兇惡的呢？還是很溫柔的神？

祂是嚴厲的呢？還是祂是一個愛我們同時也會管教我們的神？

祂愛我們全部人嗎？還是祂只是愛那些愛祂的人？

還沒有開始之前，我卻問自己。。在我心目中到底神是怎樣的一位神？

。。。我想，首先祂是愛我的。我承認這點。因為沒有祂的愛，我根本不會在這個世界上。

可是，有時候我卻很痛苦，和很迷惑，如果祂是愛我的話，為甚麼容許那麼多痛苦發生在我身上？或是這些痛苦都是我自找的？

後來，我看了這本書的前半部份。。。

原來，神並不是我想像中那樣的。

我常懷疑祂的真心。。

祂到底是真心的愛我們的嗎？

我發現我的懷疑一直存在我的生命當中。。。

這也都阻礙了我和祂之間的信任關係。

接下來，我會努力探究一下，祂是否是一位信實的神。

反覆

2011-07-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

眼睛不自覺地又紅了起來。很辛苦才delete了所有的contact.
不知怎地又再add返。
那麼沒有勇氣，那麼沒有自尊，一點都不自愛。。。
我心中的自己不斷責怪責怪自己。。難過死了。

A song with me tonight

2011-05-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

除了這些，還有熱誠，純真，善美。。。
除了這些，還有傳奇，靈感，運氣。。。

每接近一次的心痛

2011-05-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

每接近一次便是刻骨的心痛，已經遍體鱗傷了，為甚麼還要接近呢？
難道要有一天把自己逼瘋，再也爬不起來呢？
不要再這樣對自己了，好嗎？
不要再看了，不要再接近了，再怎樣不捨得也要放手，好嗎？
難道妳忘記了最關心妳的，是一齊陪妳哭過難過咬緊牙關捱過的自己嗎？
但願從此以後，妳會珍惜和愛護一直對妳不離不棄的自己。

Maybe this is the new life...

2011-05-10T01:04:00.000-07:00

31度的高溫，讓人甚麼地方都不想去。
躲在家裡的我，看看書，聽聽音樂，看看電影和戲劇，清潔一下房間和屋子。
你問我，在想甚麼。。這一刻的我，其實甚麼都沒有想，只是享受著一刻平靜。很久很久很久沒有這樣安靜過了。不管誰錯，誰對，這一刻根本都不重要。重要的是我們還活著。
呼吸讓我感覺自己還在是生存的。
愛上樓下的甜品鋪。。。有空去嚐嚐。
愛上這裡的一花一草，還有樓下那隻會跑過來逗我的小狗。
悶的時候，看看書，去學一下攝影，去看一下電影。
流淚的時候，只要搽一下就好。
深呼吸一下，不用擔心，眼淚流下了就好。

What is the new life?

2011-05-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

What is the new life?
When and how to start the new life?
I just cant stop my tears while I was watching (P.S I love you);.But the different thing is..someone choose to leave and someone doesn't want to leave.
If you choose to leave, it is your choice. It is telling you what exactly you want to do. We always got the choices.
But Gary (husband in the movie) he got sick and he has to leave. He doesn't want to but he has to.
We always got choices. Your choice is telling the purpose.

Love is...

2011-05-02T03:17:00.000-07:00

How many dates already past since 2009.11.29?
I have no idea.
But all I knew is I have a very tough and sadness moment in those days.
Heart breaking, tearing, anger, disappointing, sadness, confusing..etc etc. And those negative emotional feelings almost draw me down everyday. I keep fight for these negative feeling. I kept myself busy, keep reading bible, keep meeting friends.. but none could stop those horrible feeling attack me in every single minutes.
Deep breath.. Kind of like self mistreat? Maybe.
But..it is time to stop..if a person who really love you..how can he do this to you?
It is time to know he DOESNT LOVE ME at all.
Can I love a person who doesn't love me?
Although we always said "God love us even we don't love HIM."
Love is always non sense.
Love is always not able to explain by words or reasons.
In this circumstances, God is Love.
God's nature is Love.
That's why He can love us even we don't love Him.
But we are just human being...we got limitation, we got our boundary...
I am so exhaust to face a person who just keep asking for your love but never know what love is.
I am so exhaust to face a person who just lack of encouragement and brave to face the true feeling.
Love is not only taking but also giving.
Love is not complicated but also not easy in terms of it is patient, it is kind. It does't envy, it does not boast,it is not proud.
Love is saying how much we can give.

Just one month

2011-04-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

I found I never stand up to face the true. I was keeping unhappiness,depression, angry and heartbreak emotions.

None got improvement.
God...what is happening? Can you help me a little bit?

Earthquake in Japan 2011

2011-03-11T06:55:00.000-08:00

God...Please bless Japan.
It is really shocking by such huge earthquake.
Amen.

Sleepless

2011-03-10T07:00:00.000-08:00

I wish...I can have a sleep tonigh.
Good night.

Down in midnight 2011/03/09

2011-03-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

My heart was like tearing again.
My peaceful mind cannot last for one day.
I knew...I need to learn how to protect myself. It is really not appropriate to read anything about him.
Although it was long time ago, but why I still feel my heart break.
How can I forget what he did is exactly telling me he doesnt love me or even forget me already.
Yes. He choosed to leave me behind. He leaved me without a word. He keeps meeting with the new grils, keeps playing those games...keep going to that website....
Yes. I should not have any feeling cause my heart is die.

JJ Lin 林俊傑 - 愛笑的眼睛

2011-03-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

A song with me tonight.

I miss my home-Melbourne

2011-03-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

It is really a surprise to get a call from my old houseowner who just came back from Melbourne. After a long conversation with her, there are a lots of old memory came out in my mind just like a non stop stream. Over years and years living and growing up in there, melbourne is not a place but more like a hometown.
I love the days while I was living there..
I love the taste of the big breakfast...
I love the feeling while driving a car in freeway...
I love the smell of those four seasons...
I love all the memories over there...
With the most heartbreak in hong kong...maybe it is time to think of going back.

New eyebrow

2011-03-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

^^! New eyebrow...looks charming...looks more beauty..
I Love that! Thank you my best friend..

Brave

2011-03-02T07:30:00.000-08:00

Sorry. I still do not have enough brave to face with this...
While I ..read my past...
Yes.I miss my friends...
Yes.I remember all those memorable moments in my life...
But..but..
God...I still need more brave to....to forget the past.
God...Please help me to face my mistake.
God...Please help me to have enough braveness to cope with the pain and heartbreaking.
God...Please help me.